I accidentally had phone sex last night
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize