Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
