He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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