Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have aggressive nipples.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
