In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
