i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
