Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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