How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
