you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize