Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
