I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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