I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
