I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
