JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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