Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
