Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
