everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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