I feel great
I just peed on a car
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
