plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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