PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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