dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
