the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
