He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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