But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
