Non-Jews are for practice
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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