You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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