I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
