After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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