At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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