you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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