remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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