I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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