i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
