i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize