someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i think i have herpe
just one?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
