Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
