we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
