I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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