I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
