i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
soo... how was my night?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
