I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
