As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
