I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
