i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
