there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
