Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
