I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This can only be settled by a dance off.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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