dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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