it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
