Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
