you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He better not be in your backpack
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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