Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize