I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My life is pants optional.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
