Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
