atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
