he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
