it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
