I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He did a backflip because drugs
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