You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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