I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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