i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
