Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
