Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
