it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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