Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize